Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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