Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
