I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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