i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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