yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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