There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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