FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
