The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
