You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
