U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
