PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
