There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
