Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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