Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
