just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
