So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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