So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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