roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
