My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dignity is for republicans.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
