I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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