wanna go halves on a baby?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
