i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She announced her abortion via fbk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
