i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
