its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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