If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
