somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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