Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
