just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
