dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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