saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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