sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
