I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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