got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
