Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
