Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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