i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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