dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
