I think scott just propositioned me for sex
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
