You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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