I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
