my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
