KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
