using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i love accidental penises.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
