the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
