I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
