The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
