1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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