so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
ok first of all what the fuck
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