WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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