Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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