I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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