I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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