I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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