69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
