you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
