Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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