Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
