just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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