Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
