Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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