So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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