she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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