I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
