you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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