Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I smell stomach acid.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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