I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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