help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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