she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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