Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
